The Haunted Toaster and the Unlikely Deal

In the quiet neighborhoods of Boca Raton, where retirees played golf and debated the merits of organic avocados, a man named Jerry had a problem. A cursed, possibly sentient toaster had taken over his kitchen.

Every morning, without fail, it would toast messages into his bread. At first, they were harmless—"Good morning" or "You need more fiber." But then they got personal. "Jerry, pay your taxes." "Jerry, break up with Linda." "Jerry, you’ll never financially recover from this."

It was too much. He needed to get rid of it. But throwing it away didn’t work—it always reappeared on his counter. Selling it on Craigslist? No one believed him. That’s when he had a stroke of genius: what if he pawned it off as an antique?

Strutting into Premier Estate Buyer Boca Raton, he approached Greg, the store’s resident expert in all things gold, antique, and occasionally haunted.

"Greg, my man, do I have a deal for you," Jerry said, placing the toaster on the counter.

Greg adjusted his monocle (still only for dramatic effect) and raised an eyebrow. "It’s… a toaster?"

"An antique toaster," Jerry corrected. "Possibly made of cursed pirate gold. Definitely haunted. A rare collector’s item. This thing has been in my family for generations. Also, it… talks."

Greg sighed. "Does it tell the time?"

"It does. And your credit score."

The toaster, as if on cue, crackled and spit out a slice of toast with the words: "Greg, reconsider your mortgage."

Greg stared at it. "Huh."

At Boca Raton Gold Buyer, they had seen plenty of unusual items—gold teeth from a questionable source, a diamond-encrusted spoon, even an alleged piece of Excalibur (which turned out to be a butter knife). But a sentient toaster? This was new.

"Tell you what," Greg said, typing numbers into his calculator. "I’ll give you $1,000."

Jerry nearly passed out. He expected twenty bucks, max. "Deal!" He shook Greg’s hand, transferring ownership of the toaster and all its existential nightmares.

As Jerry walked out a free man, Greg turned to his new acquisition. The toaster hummed softly. A piece of toast popped out.

"Greg," it read, "invest in Bitcoin."

Greg sighed. Another day at Estate Buyer Boca Raton